The Authentic Self Journal
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Something crossed my mind recently while I was at a local yarn store talking with a young woman, I believe she was around 25. During our conversation, I mentioned my age, and I could see her pause, clearly surprised. This is not the first time I have gotten this reaction when I told someone I was 43.
The funny thing is, if you looked at my hair, I’m slowly going gray… but I already have a fully gray part line. This got me thinking: why do people consistently perceive me as younger than I really am? I don’t get Botox, and I don’t try to dress younger. I just dress the way I feel; which, lately, is often exhausted, because I went back to school for psychology in 2023.
Looking at my personality patterns, a few things come to mind.
1. I Don’t Downplay Topics That Interest Younger Women
One, I don’t downplay the topics that interest the younger women I meet. I give them as much relevance as I would anyone. I’ve noticed this gets them talking freely. Maybe because I treat the topics they find important with respect, they assume I’m working through the same issues, which I remember, though some I’ve worked through long ago.
Here is an example from the young lady I told you about earlier at the yarn store. During my conversation at the yarn store, the young woman was talking about returning to school and juggling multiple responsibilities. Instead of brushing off her concerns, I listened, validated her feelings, and shared strategies I’ve found helpful in similar situations. She visibly relaxed and opened up more, a connection that might not have happened if I had dismissed her worries.
2. I’m Not Afraid to Be Creative With My Hair and Makeup
Then there’s the part where I’m not afraid to be a little crazy with my hair and makeup. I don’t feel the need to lock myself into a mold to fit in. Trust me, this is a weird one. I’m plus-sized and sometimes feel like I should lose weight, but I want to feel good in my own skin. I struggle with my image like anyone, but it’s not constant. It comes and goes.
3. I Don’t Undermine Myself
Finally, the hardest thing to put into words: I don’t undermine myself, which I feel a lot of women do as they get older. Big media tends to put value on youth and beauty, but I put value on people. I want to come to people where they are, and I think it stems from knowing myself honestly and treating myself with as much respect as I can. Screw shrinking myself to make someone else feel good. I grew up in the 80s and 90s with the original Power Divas as examples, and that sense of unapologetic confidence has always stuck with me.
Ultimately, I think people see me as younger not because of how I look, but because of how I show up in the world. I try to engage with others honestly, listen to their experiences, and embrace my own quirks, confidence, and style. Age becomes just a number when you focus on being yourself and treating others and yourself with respect. That is something I have learned from my own life and from the Power Diva energy I admired growing up. It is about being true to yourself, even when it is not easy.
